DIETING THROUGH THE HARDSHIPS OF LIFE

When I started my “bajillionth” and last diet in 2001, I didn’t tell anyone except my girlfriend Cathy, my husband Mark, and my children that I was starting something new. I had started so many times before and stopped that I just didn’t want anyone knowing right away. Besides, if I really did stick with it, it would be fun to surprise everyone, especially my parents who were so concerned for my health.

But surprising my parents was not to be. Just three days after joining Weight Watchers® for the last time, my wonderful, beloved father had a heart attack and died the next day. He never knew his prayers for his little girl had finally been answered.

In the midst of deep grief, and without much practice in counting POINTS® or planning my days—and surrounded by an overwhelming quantity of catered food and other people’s cooking—I did my best to stay with it. I don’t know why. I was so full of grief, I didn’t care very much at that point, and no one even knew I was dieting.

I kept telling myself that it would have been so easy to put it off for another time. No one would blame me. With all the stress and grief, who would expect me to keep dieting? The timing just wasn’t right, right? But something inside me had changed. I was ready to try again for the first time in ages, and I quietly stuck with it.

In the days that followed, we traveled to Massachusetts, Maine, and back home to Connecticut to get plans and affairs in order. We drove for hours. We ate out. Friends brought meals. A week later, on the morning of Daddy’s memorial service, with a house full of extended family and catered food, I crept down the stairs. It was very early in the morning and I was planning on eating whatever I could that was on the table. I was tired of trying to figure out POINTS® and I missed my dad. Who could blame me for giving up after all this? I was ready for a serious binge.

I walked toward the table, plate in hand. The first dish I reached for was an apple crisp, nestled in among all the other goodies. There was a note on top: “Low-Fat Apple Crisp: only two points per cup.”

I don’t even know how it got there or where it came from, but it was all I needed to stick with it. I had two cups of Apple Crisp with my coffee and I was ready to face the day.

I Corinthians 10:13 says, “God will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but will with the temptation also make a way of escape that you can bear up under it.” That apple crisp was my “way of escape,” and it was exactly what I needed at that moment.

Two weeks later I returned to Weight Watchers®—and I’d lost more than seven pounds. That was just the beginning.

Through it all, I found something I never expected. Sticking with my diet was one of the things that brought me peace and joy during those grief-filled months following daddy’s death. Many of you are faced with difficult, challenging, stress-filled circumstances and may be afraid that because of them it isn’t the right time for you to work on the weight you want to lose. Well, it may not be. BUT you may find an inner happiness you didn’t expect to find that comes from knowing that you’re doing something for yourself that you want and need to do. You know that feeling, when you lay your head on your pillow at night with a smile because you “did it” one more day.

Let the success of your diet give you some small measure of joy and strength when you face tough times, instead of letting the difficult circumstances pull you away from your diet.

I often wonder—if I had given up right after daddy died, would I have ever gone back? Where would I be now?

Comments

kim said,

March 11, 2010 7:36 AM

SEE YOU ALL AT THE MEETING TONIGHT! :)

kim said,

March 11, 2010 7:35 AM

Hey Suezq – sent you an email. :)

Pat – LOVE the quote. Didn't get to say hi last night. You look fab!

Hi Heidi – Good girl. No giving up on YOU!

Mary and Mary and Jane – 100% Girls. WTG!

Tammy – NO! Don't tell me we beat Survivor! :)

Sonya – I see gorgeous nails in your future! Way to go!

Leslie - So? Did you lay your head on the pillow with a smile last night? :) Almost at goal! Weeeee!

Kathleen – I'd love to do a segment with a doctor just on binge eating. It's on of the three big eating disorders. It is a HUGE albatross, but not one you can't get rid of. Keep up the great work!

Great job Annie! Hey Tammy (so excited for you), Patty Z, Holly, Annette, Cassie (feel better) and all the anonymouses ... Have a wonderful day girls!

Welcome MrsHill! (cute name)

Hey Betty – Love it when you and hubby phone in to the radio show. Keep up the great work.

Paula – I'm SO sorry. SO sorry. I'll be praying for you. [[]]

Hi Susie – Peter's not only Papa Smurf, he's St Nick! Glad they arrived safely.

Angel! Your mom! I know! I'm so sorry. How are you doing?

Hi West Coast Maureen – We have LOTS from the other side of the states on here. It's so hard to get a time that's good for everyone, but I'm really glad there's the archives. And I'm REALLY glad you're kicked in again! Whoo hoo!

Maureen ... believe!

BMIL02 said,

March 11, 2010 7:30 AM

Happy Thursday everybody! I was beginning to worry about the job offer I got yesterday...in which we would have to move since it's an hour or more drive from where we live now but...I've decided to put it in God's hands. He knows what the future holds and I'm just going to concentrate on taking my RRT and starting my classes next month and things WILL work out for the good.

xoxo
Tammy

kim said,

March 11, 2010 7:16 AM

Hey Wendy,

I can't believe it! 8 lbs to goal?! You've lost so much! On the other hand, you LOOK like you're at goal now. :)

I know it's hard, the slow, slow movement on the scale. You turtle you! But what a fabulous example you are of extreme weight loss with only the .2s and .6s! 53 lbs on your tiny frame! I'm so amazed!

Keep your focus on the day in front of you. Making it the best – you're good at that. These emotional plateaus will come AFTER you've gotten to goal, too. It's part of life. So going through them now, together, is a really good thing. I'll be praying you 'get it back' really soon.

Hugs! k

Patti Z said,

March 11, 2010 7:06 AM

Paula G,
God is so good, isn't He! He always gives us what we need when we need it - such as 'Amazing Grace'. Like you said, when we have eyes to see and ears to hear, we can then experience Him more fully. Sorry about your losses of loved ones also. Wishing you well on this healthy journey we are on together. God bless. Patti Z

cosmogirl said,

March 11, 2010 5:56 AM

Kim - Your Dad is proud of you!!

I've been having a rough week, actually two weeks. Pat and I have been calling it an emotional plateau. I am getting frustrated by the lack of movement on the scale. Then I decided to follow some of the tips I have learned through out my "years" of dieting. So I re-read some of the comments in my journal(all very enthusiastic), I re-measured myself and found out I've lost 2.25 inches since 1/1/10 and I just continued doing what I know to do PLAN. The scale showed a .4 loss at WI last night. So......I am back to my patience,patience,patience. I need to look at my other successes and forget about the # on the scales. That is very hard for me. I've got about 8 pounds to go to goal. I really need to focus. ((Hugs)) Wendy

It's not what happens in the moment,it's what happens in the moments after.

bettynaynay said,

March 11, 2010 5:17 AM

Oh kim wonderful word I needed that. i love that bible verse. bettynaynay

angeleyes said,

March 10, 2010 10:41 PM

oh kim, since I read your blog I´m crying. Life can be so hard. Especially when we lose family members. unfortunately I know how hard that is. *kiss*

angel

janechia said,

March 10, 2010 9:09 PM

100%
100%
100%
100%

Need I say more?? Come on everyone, let's committ to 100% for JUST ONE DAY!!!

mary24311 said,

March 10, 2010 8:41 PM

Hi everyone,

I haven't been posting, but I have been hanging in there. I also was touched by this story in your book, Kim. So many things that you wrote about were so thought provoking. You put into words the things that I don't even know I am thinking.

I can relate to what Susie said about eating the same foods all of the time. I am trying to change it up a bit. It did print out some recipes and got the ingredients for them, too. I highly recommend the Mike's spaghetti squash recipe. My family liked it, too. Also the broccoli crunch. I put some ham (that I weighed and added to the calorie count) in it and it was an easy meal.

I am really trying to weigh and measure everything. When you have the same things a lot, you get to thinking you know the portions.

Mary

Heidi Childs (not verified) said,

March 10, 2010 7:44 PM

Hi,
I love this message from Kim....I've read her book and it gave me inspiration in the past...but then I turned inward and gave up, avoiding her book, website, etc. Well, I'm back and ready to open my heart and read what she (and all of you) has to say. I've made some big changes, small goals (one day at a time), and am seeing some nice results (12lbs so far, more energy)... FUnny, music has been my motivator....worship AND heavy metal...yea, I'm like that! 8)
I love reading everyone's posts. Thank you!
Heidi

anonymous (not verified) said,

March 10, 2010 6:45 PM

When all around us is chaos, we can have the inner peace that comes from ordering our lives aright. Weary not in well doing, for you will reap your reward! Thank you for that encouragement, Kim!

NightowlTJRD said,

March 10, 2010 6:41 PM

I kept wondering what people meant when they said they were blue, now I know! I am so excited and even though I will miss Survivor (one of my fave shows), I can't wait for my first "live" meeting!! Off to make dinner.. I got so absorbed reading everything after I joined I missed my usual dinner time of 7pm. Take care all!
T T F N!!!
Tammy (Nightowl)

Paula G (not verified) said,

March 10, 2010 5:40 PM

Kim, your words about the loss of your father helped me cope. I lost my son to cancer on his birthday followed by the death of my mother thirty days later. Like you, I made it through the grief somehow managing not to give up on myself. "Signs" are sent to us when we most need them if we are receptive to them. The scripture you quoted was what I needed today. I noticed the previous comment from Patti stating "Amazing Grace" is what you were given to help you through your dad's passing. Amazing Grace was the song played at both my sons and my mothers funerals. Thank you, I needed this today.

Patti Z said,

March 10, 2010 4:30 PM

Kim,
Thanks again for sharing such intimate details of your loss and pain. Amazing Grace is sure what you were given to get you through your dad's passing and staying on program. I keep that Scripture, 2Cor 10:13, on my window sill above my kitchen sink and need to apply it more often. Thanks for the reminder that I am never alone. PTL. Love ya, Patti

BMIL02 said,

March 10, 2010 3:54 PM

I talked to my sister and she said the reason I have been feeling like I have is due to what has been going on in my life these past few months. I know I hate when you go to a dr. and they think meds solve EVERYTHING!

GOOD NEWS! I just got a job offer that is in Gainesville, Florida as respiratory therapist BUT I have to have my RRT FIRST. She told me alot of people are only wanting RRT's and NOT CRT's. Hey I'm a step of the game...I should have my RRT by June or July and my BS next July 2011. Hey I'm on the RIGHT foot for a change.

xoxox
Tammy

sco526 said,

March 10, 2010 2:16 PM

Kudos to the Kim Bensen staff. I ordered some items from the store on Sunday night and they were delivered to my home in NC this morning before 11 a.m. Thanks everyone. Susie

sco526 said,

March 10, 2010 2:12 PM

Hi everyone. I had my weekly WW weigh in this morning and gained .2 of a pound. I was disappointed, but repeated my mantra of "this is a marathon and not a sprint." Obviously I need to review my journal and look for ways to improve. As I have stated before most weeks I tend to eat the same foods over and over along with the same exercise routine. I need to shake up things more than I did this week.

Congratulations to everyone who is on your weight loss journey whether you lost this week or not; your stories are so inspiring and help me to regroup when I am discouraged. So keep up the good work. Susie

Gloria718 said,

March 10, 2010 2:03 PM

First off, let me say that I had no idea Mark was such a talented dancer (St. Patty card)! He should lead all of us Kimmies on the exercise portion of the weight loss journey! You're a good sport Mark!

Tammy, if you don't feel comfortable with the doctor you are seeing, shop around. Many doctors are so eager to through a pill at emotional problems instead of dealing and depression medication can be extremely dangerous.

Kim, thank you for sharing your story with us. It is the part of the book that really made me cry. I've never been close to my dad, and even though I still try we just are so different. I've never been the child he wanted, first because I was a girl and next because I was over weight. I've never heard him say he was proud of me.

Finally, I am proud to report that I have been on program for another week. Still struggling with the "believe" part of my goal, but I am trying.

See you all tomorrow, sorry so rambling.

Gloria

cdxdogs said,

March 10, 2010 2:02 PM

Thanks Kim, your site is such a help and inspiration. I try to watch the videos of your meetings on my lunch break, the west coast time difference leaves me missing them on real time. I appreciate your willingness to share your thoughts, feelings and experiences with those of us on the same journey. My weight loss has slowed for a while but I am back on track and feeling inspired once again. thanks!!!
Maureen

smc_paralegal said,

March 10, 2010 1:58 PM

Hey everyone. Sorry I have been MIA since last week but I have been so busy.

Jill, I need to apologize I forgot to report in on Monday so if it is okay I will report in today that I lost 1.8 pounds last week bringing my total since the first of the year to 9.2 pounds. Only .8 more pounds and I get to get a manicure.

I have a big incentive to lose weight. My husband and I are planning a trip to Cancun/Rivera Myan in November. I would love to be at my goal weight by then. My husband is like a fish in water so he is really looking forward to the trip. I don't know how to swim so my "project" for the next few months is to learn how to swim. If anyone has ever been to Cancun let me know of places or things that we can do. We are looking at staying in the Rivera Myan area.

Well I had better go for now.
Sonya

Cassie (not verified) said,

March 10, 2010 1:19 PM

Kim,
Thank you so much for sharing that. I dislocated my knee and have a partial tear in my acl from doing wii fit. And have been unable to exercise for weeks. So I will start physical therapy next week and I am going back to weight in the morning. Thanks for all your encouragement.
Cassie

Annette Martinez (not verified) said,

March 10, 2010 1:12 PM

Dear Kim,

Thank you so much for the reminders. It's so hard to get back on track once you've fallen off.. I appreciate your example.

Love you mucho,
Annette

mrshill03 said,

March 10, 2010 1:09 PM

This is my first post here. I am a WW member but this time around I am struggling with the program. I am not sure if it's the Momentum program or just me. This is the reason why I joined Kim's site. A WW friend told me about her book which I bought and read. Kim is such an inspiration to me. I enjoy her meetings very much and get so much out of them. I am sure her Daddy is very proud of not only what she has achieved for herself but also for what she does for others.
Leslie, I love your words, I will win and be thin too!!

StamperGirl said,

March 10, 2010 1:08 PM

Kim,
Your Dad knows his prayers for you have been answered.
Pat

"Though you can't go back and make a brand new you start, you can start now and make a brand new ending."

armywife516 said,

March 10, 2010 1:04 PM

**Jane, we are here for you, hope your son's father is doing okay!

**Annie, so glad you read further and found something you could take with you, Kim's blogs always have so much in them to help us through any situation!

Love & Blessings,
Holly

armywife516 said,

March 10, 2010 1:01 PM

**Kim, this story has always made me cry too, it's such a testament to how much God was looking out for you that day!

**Kathleen and Leslie, love your beautiful profile pics!

**Sue we are here for you, cheering you on and pulling you back on track!

**Anonymous, keep us posted on how you are doing!

**Tammy, So excited for you to start your classes, the time will be here before you know it!
((HUGS)) I hate when I have doctor visits like that, you feel like they are not even listening to you!

**All my Kimmies, I have been soo busy w/ spring cleaning and getting ready to pack up for myself and my 5 kiddos, and most likely hubby Max too(he is out of state right now til Friday then has a one day drill(military) on Saturday, so he won't get a chance to pack for himself) so I need to pack for 7 people, we are leaving early early Sunday morning(around 3am) to head to OH to see my family. Please prayer for a safe trip and a SANE one too, lol.

Thank you all so much for your support about the news of Max's looming deployment next year. Thankfully we only have to deal(live with) one day at a time, and right now today Max is only a state away not thousands and thousands away.

((HUGS)) Will be MIA for awhile, not sure if I will be able to watch the meeting next week but I will for sure tomorrow!
Love you all!

Love & Blessings,
Holly

anniemca1 (not verified) said,

March 10, 2010 1:01 PM

God works thru each of us to give us what we need...kim, this is the first time i actually took the time to read further on your site...and God gave me what i needed right now....was all set to grab a snack...low carb...but not what i really should be doing...lunch works better instesd...so before i race out of here to my clay class (retired stuff, you know...never a free minute anymore!)...i will take the time to make a healthy wrap and eat it and forget the snack...thank you my friend!

janechia said,

March 10, 2010 12:58 PM

Hi Kim and Kimmies!

I missed last weeks meeting due to my boys basketball game. Then I drove 5 1/2 hrs. away to take my boys to an NBA game. Lots of travelling and chaos, only to come home and find out my boys dad was in the hospital with heart issues. (He's only 47 and healthy and fit!) This was a complete unexpected surprise that I was not ready to deal with. I tried so hard while on the road to keep my eating in check. I come from a small town w/ not many restaraunts. Going to a BIG city w/ every restaraunt imaginable was indeed a challenge. BUT, I did it, ONLY to fall off again during the stress of my ex-husband's health issues which the boys and I were so concerned about. I have NOT been 100% on plan since December. I haven't given up but I haven't given it 100% either. After watching last weeks meeting just moments ago, and reading this wonderful blog, I'm ready to saddle up and give this thing my honest, 100% once and for all.

Thank you for sharing I Corinthians 10:13 with us. How inspiring!

Hugs,

Jane

P.S. Can't wait to "see" you all this Thursday evening!!!

BMIL02 said,

March 10, 2010 12:07 PM

Thanks Kim you are such an inspiration! Just remember your daddy did know about your weight loss journey because he watches down over you each and every day. And when you get to see him again one day you'll be able to tell him in person about your wonderful journey.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful day! it's beautiful here today in Florida...the sun is out and it is warm. I went to the dr. this am and boy is he a "QUACK!" he gave me presciptions for all my meds...told him i believe i am depressed and he put me on Zoloft (i was taking Paxil for panic attacks)...not sure if i should take Zoloft after i seen him. then i told him i hit my elbow about a few years ago and it still bothers me and swells up and he seen that it was but did nothing about it. also told him about my ankle...sprained it about 15 years ago and it bothers me and swells up as he could see and he did nothing about that either. that's why i'm iffy about taking Zoloft. i have been really down, irritable, tired ALL the time, no energy, etc... my blood pressure was alittle on the high side. didn't seem to bother him. it usually runs 100/70 but it was about 140/80. what's a person to do when you can't trust your dr.?

well i'm ready to start my classes april 26th. i should be getting the okay any day now so i can register to take the test for my RRT.

xoxo
Tammy

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