Find The Humor In It...

Thanks for all those email warnings ...

July 28, 2010 6:45 AM

As we progress into the year 2010, I want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year. I am totally messed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose.

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Don't you just hate it when ...

July 20, 2010 1:49 PM

Don't you just hate it when some people say things like, "You know, sometimes I forget to eat!"? Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, where my car was parked and when to pick up my kids, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of forgetful to do THAT!

Don't you just hate it when you hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes?

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One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the people struggling with their diets.

July 6, 2010 6:42 PM

Two thirds had become overweight or obese and less than 3% were able to lose weight and successfully keep it off.

Of all the prayers God listened to, a majority came from the 84 million dieters each day looking for strength and support. But despite all the fruits, vegetables, running shoes and motivational meetings He sent their way, very few stuck with their diets.

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The REAL cause of heart disease...

June 26, 2010 5:11 AM

It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

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Enjoy the sag ...

May 25, 2010 5:34 AM

AFTER years of unsuccessful dieting,
a woman finally lost a significant
amount of weight and reached her goal.
When her clothes began to sag, a
co-worker suggested she alter them
to fit her new figure. 

“Not now,” the woman protested.
“Let me enjoy the sag for a little
while first!”

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Amazing ...

May 18, 2010 9:44 PM

You hang something in your closet for a while
and it shrinks 2 sizes!

click to read more

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Sounds like a workout....

May 18, 2010 12:23 PM

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Good News Women! We aren't fat!!

May 11, 2010 10:32 AM

With time, women gain weight because we
accumulate so much information and wisdom
in our heads that, when there is no more room,
it distributes out to the rest of our bodies. So
we aren't fat, we are enormously cultured,
educated and happy.

Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, "Good grief, look how smart I am!"

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In the beginning God created broccoli.

April 20, 2010 8:22 AM

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Breyer's Ice Cream and Tim Horton's Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

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At my first Weight Watchers meeting...

April 11, 2010 12:52 PM

the leader asked members which department at the supermarket was the most tempting to them. One man confessed that the deli department was his biggest weakness, and a woman said she found it almost impossible to resist anything chocolate. When she came to me, I took a deep breath and said, “Aisles 2 through 12.”

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