kimbensen.com
weight loss motivation, tools, and support  

Get It Right, Guys!

WARNING: I’m frustrated. But instead of eating, I'm blogging. If you don’t want to hear the ranting of a once morbidly obese woman, stop reading now.

I don’t claim to have all the answers. And I realize that many of you are experts who hold a higher college degree than I. But for all your education and all your research, you are completely missing the mark.

You're right; whole grains and power foods are best for our bodies. And, yes, strength training coupled with 30 minutes of daily cardio is excellent for good health. But these are not the solution to our rising obesity rate.

So I'm writing a blog for you so-called professionals who expound frequently on the reasons behind the fat epidemic, and for those who continut to sell us a wagonload of crap, and for the rest of us who are struggling to make sense of it all. Here are some things you need to know.

1. Our problem is not lack of knowledge. We are serial dieters. You guys are preaching to the choir. 

2. Our problem is not lack of desire. We want this really bad. It’s one of the most important things in our lives.

3. Our problem is not lack of intelligence. Even though, in a moment of desperation, we buy-in to your “lose 20 pounds in a week!” claims, we know there is no magic pill. We just wish there was one.

We want it. We know how to do it. We don’t do it consistently.

You can’t sell us anything we haven’t tried before because the problem isn’t the diet; the problem is sticking with it. Listen up weight loss experts! When we go on a diet, here’s what we think about:

    -- how much we could lose this week if we stick with it

    -- how far do we still have to go

    -- did we finally get lower than we were the last time we fell off

    -- how can we splurge Friday night and still be ‘down’ by our weigh-in day

    -- when will we reach goal (yes, we even plot it out on the calendar)

We use the term “lifestyle change” because that’s our deepest desire, but all our effort is focused at one thing — getting this stupid fat off our bodies NOW! Then, once we’re at goal, we want to be able to manage periodic splurges while still fitting in our dream-size jeans.
Is that really asking too much?

You keep selling us new pills, bars, shakes, equipment and programs based on new science and new studies. You have nothing new to sell us! We know that any healthy diet works. We’re professional dieters. Haven’t we been ‘successful’ millions of times before on thousands of different programs?

But you continue to operate under the collective delusion that we need a new diet program or supplement. Get it right, guys! It’s time to wake up to the fact that…

This is NOT a physical problem!

What did she just say?

You heard me. Oh, it definitely manifests itself physically. Physical issues are the symptoms of the problem, ranging from aches and pains to severe medical conditions. However, the root of the problem is a mindset, a way of thinking, a culture that’s living large, and a lifetime of conditioning that keeps us trapped in a yo-yo cycle that’s difficult from which to break free.

Difficult, but not impossible.

Here’s the real problem: when we lose weight, change is happening on the outside
(and we like it). But inside we have the same old desires that aren’t in sync with our new
lifestyle. We love the outward change, but feel deprived and frustrated inside.

No one can keep up the fight of an inner desire that is in direct conflict with forced behavior for long. It’s just too hard.

We force our behavior to be within the confines of the diet, even though our inner desire is screaming for something different. It’s painful! It’s exhausting. The inner desire defeats us eventually. We can only fight for so long before we gain our weight back. 

Hence, the yo-yo.

Yet that’s the message you experts keep delivering. If you try this diet ... take that supplement ... drink our tea    ... wear our gadget ... you will change. 

What if, while we were losing weight on any simple, healthy diet, we had tools to help us change inside: the mind, the emotions, and the heart? What if we learned new coping mechanisms, other ways to manage stress? What would happen if we could retrain ourselves to be the people we most want to be … someone not controlled by food? What if we could change our way of thinking? What if you focused on that?

It’s our fault, too. We’re the ones grasping at straws. We know it’s in our heads and yet we still feed the weight loss industry machine with our hard-earned dollars. Something deep down inside refuses to grasp the truth that we can’t live in both worlds (our old lifestyle and our new one).

Many of us aren’t willing to admit that food owns us.

It sounds harsh, but think about it. Why do we keep regaining our weight even though we want to be at a healthy weight more than anything? Why do we ‘fall off’ even though it’s completely within our control? Why do we stop losing, even though we know how?

No, it’s not the lack of time.

No, it’s not that we’re too busy taking care of everyone else.

No, it’s not lack of money.

No. it’s not because we have a stressful job or a difficult relationship.

No, it’s not because we can’t move much.

No. No. No.

The above are very real, painful issues. They may be triggers for us to eat. We find comfort in food. But food doesn’t solve any of our problems.  If hunger isn’t the problem, food isn’t the answer. We turn to food because it’s our drug of choice, just like any addict.

Do you know what calories are? Technically called kilocalories, they are a measurement of energy — not comfort, not joy — energy. Food is the fuel for our bodies. No one ever gained a pound from physical hunger. If we were eating for physical hunger, we’d stop when we were satisfied. But we don’t. We keep eating for other reasons.

Some of you aren't too happy with me by now. That’s okay. I feel compelled to share this after reading an article where experts have now determined that permanent weight loss is impossible. Wow. Thanks!

You guys just don't get it. Only two years ago you finally classified binge eating as an eating disorder … really?! For the record, MOST people who struggle with their weight have BED. It's been our struggle for a long time. You just finally labeled it. (And, by the way, I believe your percentages are way off.)

I don’t want to hear from an expert who has no idea what it means to feel “hungry” right after eating a meal. Who says, “Just stop when you’re full,”  or “Go ahead and indulge so you don't feel deprived.” “Cheat every now and then.” “This food is free.” “One bite won’t hurt.”

Are you kidding me? Would you say “One sip won’t hurt,” to an alcoholic? Come to my world ruled by an ‘All or Nothing’ / ‘On or Off’ mentality. Live in my head with no ability to determine what full is. Understand the insanity, thinking that just because I ate an
80 calorie cookie it means I’m “off.” And as long as I’m “off” I might as well have the rest of the sleeve of cookies and the left-over pizza while I’m at it, because tomorrow I’ll have to get back “on” again. Please stop telling us that “these foods are free.” Nothing is really free. And, yes, we can gain weight on fruits and vegetables. Quantity is our middle name!

Most important of all, don't ever tell us that permanent weight loss is not possible. It is. The road ahead of us is hard enough. Hard, but it’s not impossible.

We’re too smart to believe that lie.

Susan In Swanton said:
Nov 06, 2015 12:00 AM
Well stated, Kim! Those who have never had a food problem have no idea what we live and struggle with! They need to hear it like it is so they can tell it like it is! Hopefullyully this will open some eyes and help each of us find understanding and true support n those around us. Thank you for articulatng what we thnk and feel.

DebR said:
Nov 02, 2015 12:00 AM
As a Kimmie, I have lossed over 50 lbs, gone from a size 22 jeans to a 12, better yet at Chicos, a 1.5, take less meds, have the lowest blood pressure,a very healthy cholesterol count,life long allergies are better due to less sugar products, more energy, and have attained my goal of being able to play on the floor with grans and get back up. I laugh more, I move more and sometimes I talk to much. Yes, Kim and Adam I do. I have a new lifer friend in my Kimmie buddy Theresa and belong to the best community of people on earth. This journey continues and I am a Kimmie for life. My wish is for all the suffering overweight people to find this program. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. BTW Husband is thinner and healthier too. Blessings to this wonderful Kim and the Kimmie family! Go fight win!

Suegoco said:
Oct 31, 2015 12:00 AM
I do think, as does my endocrinologist, that it is a physical problem. It's genetics that lead to certain metabolic hormone levels in ways not yet understood. We can get there by changing our mindsets and learned behaviors, but I think it's not even that easy. Onwards.

Sandygb said:
Oct 30, 2015 12:00 AM
I so appreciate your perspective (and I religiously ready your daily emails, BTW). I am working on my head and know my body will follow! Thank you Kim!

Sandygb said:
Oct 30, 2015 12:00 AM
I so appreciate your perspective (and I religiously ready your daily emails, BTW). I am working on my head and know my body will follow! Thank you Kim!

Starliner said:
Oct 30, 2015 12:00 AM
Wow, very impactful!!! Love the meeting based on this blog and am pleased to have someone (Kim) so honest about what we are all going through and the knowledge to give us tools to cope with and change these terrible habits that have been ingrained in us over the years! Thanks for being there for us Kim, we all owe you a debt of gratitude!

Gailmk said:
Oct 29, 2015 12:00 AM
This was great to read. Laying in bed, this morning, I was counting the pounds I could lose by April, if I lost a pound a week. I will then be thin enough to look normal. I have done this calculating for years. It is from the Inside Out but its so much easier to change just the outside. I can get all kinds of procedures done for the outside but this inside stuff is the real work. The world doesn't see the inside so easily, only those close to me. The world see's the outside, makes judgements and I do the same thing to others. I have gotten a little more compassionate to others but i think its only because I've become more compassionate to myself. It's great to read from someone who knows the struggles, the changes needed and how the medical community just doesn't get it. I've stopped drinking, smoking, shopping has gotten better but this food addiction is so annoying, Lol I'm going to post even though I don't like to but I think it might be part of the change I could try.Yuck

Iluvexercise said:
Oct 29, 2015 12:00 AM
...And this is why I travel 40 minutes, two or three times/wk to go to the center. Well said, Kim! Bravo for articulating what we all feel! It's all head-- the mouth just follows what the head tells it to do. The motional and behavioral work is more difficult than any caloric restriction I've ever imposed on myself. "Head-work" is every day, all day, for the rest of my life. I'm grateful more than you know to have a mentor who is teaching me this, and who won't give up on me. Thank you for saving my life.

Eileenc said:
Oct 29, 2015 12:00 AM
ZINNGGGG - BINGO! Bravo Kim - thank you for capturing all the elements we have to deal with. You are the best coach I've ever had for helping to prepare me to reach the summit. I'm honored to be on this journey with you. I'm here to report that your approach has been a miracle in my life!

Kim said:
Oct 29, 2015 12:00 AM
LOL Gail, too funny! We talked about that earlier, one of the reasons true change with food is so difficult is because there is no abstinence. We can't lock the tiger up in the cage; we have to take it out 3-4 times a day for a walk. Tough ... but not impossible. Right?! See you (Eileen, Trish and Gail) in the meetings! ;)

kim's blog
archive ( View All)


Oct 23, 2017
Whole Hearted Dieting
I hate even asking this question, but I will because I care. Are you giving your weight loss your...

Sep 11, 2017
He Chose Poorly ...
THOUGHTS FROM MY JOURNAL 8 YEARS AGO...            &nb...

Jan 26, 2017
FREE FOOD!
But is it really "free"? I’m not talking about cost. "Free food" is...

Aug 02, 2016
The Perfect Day To Start A Diet
 “I have two weddings this month. My kids are home with all their snacks. I can’...

May 27, 2016
The Horrible Shame Of Weight Regain.
Imagine with me that you’ve lost weight, lots of it. Besides the surreal feeling of el...

Nov 11, 2015
Eat Light At Thanksgiving?
Are you crazy?! .   "I'll be good until then. I'll get b...

Oct 28, 2015
Get It Right, Guys!
WARNING: I’m frustrated. But instead of eating, I'm blogging. If you don’t want t...
connect on
follow kim on
 
get kim's weekly